Sunday, August 24, 2014

Khattam shud

To be truthful, this post was a long time coming. And chances are, my remaining one (or maybe two?) readers knew this long before I did.

Thing is, this blog is dying. And there's nothing I can do to resurrect it.

I started this blog when I was still a wee thing in college, and when my idea of great writing involved lots of ellipses and strange words. The problem, however, is that I am not a wee thing any more...and frankly...adulthood has made me realize what *great* writing really is.

It's silly to make excuses for not blogging. Hundreds of people hold down three jobs and five kids, and still manage to write amazingly well. I, sadly enough, do not even find time to pack my lunch every day.

That's it then, I guess. I've moved out of cities, jobs, houses these past eight years. It's time I moved out of this space too.

I'm leaving this place up, though. I am a fickle-minded soul...and who knows, I might come back to this one day.

But for now, this is the way it ends. Not with a bang, or a whimper, but with some awkward words.

Thursday, February 06, 2014

98, 99, and others

On my ninth birthday (which, obviously, is a big deal since I am a big girl and soon to go on to high school) I demand, and get, a big party. School friends come over. And they bring books. And I'm not sure if I am more thrilled with the former or the latter. Near the end of the day, I curl up in a corner and read a shiny new Rebecca, and am surprised at the intensity with which I just want people to leave NOW so that I can finish it in peace.

My mama gets married the day I turn ten. And I am delirious with happiness. The bright lights. The happy, shiny people. The house full of excited words. The thrill of wearing a saree. The fish fries. Food and BIRTHDAY and people and laughter and glitter. I try to prolong the day by doing my best to not fall asleep that night - I am that high on people.

The next year, on the 15th of February, which is also my birthday, my dance teacher slaps me senseless and pinches me so hard on my hands and feet, that they bleed and turn blue. I am shocked. Mostly because she slapped me. But more because nothing horrible is supposed to happen to me on my BIRTHDAY. I go home and howl to my heart's content. Even the shiny new Enid Blyton refuses to console me. I feign stomach ache when it's time to go for my classes next week. The week after, I turn up...but the dread that has settled in my stomach refuses to go away. I quit bharatnatyam soon after. The dance form still makes my hand turn cold and clammy. 

Tuesday, December 31, 2013

The mandatory year-end post

1. What did you do in 2013 that you’d never done before?
Pierced my nose. Had a new roommate. Travelled alone to a new city. Made significant plans.

2. Did you keep your New Year’s resolutions, and will you make more for next year?
Do not remember last year's resolutions, but will not be bogged down by forgetfulness - no sir. Will make new ones. Will try to remember them.

3. Did anyone close to you give birth?

4. Did anyone close to you die?
No (Thank God, fingers crossed)

5. What countries did you visit?
None [But places visited within the country include Jaipur, Chandigarh (for my first real Punjabi wedding!), Shimla, Benares, Manali, Ahmedabad, and Bikaner. Writing down this list makes me see the most obvious North Indian bias in it. Ugh.]

6. What would you like to have in 2014 that you lacked in 2013?
Money; Forthrightness; Discipline

7. What date from 2013 will remain etched upon your memory?
10 February

8. What was your biggest achievement of the year?
Successfully changing my job, making new friends, learning to live amicably with new roommate

9. What was your biggest failure?

10. Did you suffer illness or injury?
Nothing significant. (Am I jinxing everything by saying this? I guess I am. Ah well.)

11. What was the best thing you bought?
Shoe rack (Look at how homely I have become! Shoerack! SHOERACK!)

12. Whose behaviour merited celebration?

13. Whose behaviour made you appalled and depressed?
A's, for being spineless (I wasn't depressed, just appalled); S'

14. Where did most of your money go?
Food and books and plane tickets

15. What did you get really, really, really excited about?
Pujo! And the January wedding!

16. What song/album will always remind you of 2013?
Laila o laila (Coke studio); Pata Pata (Miriam Makeba)

17. Compared to this time last year, are you:
a. Happier or sadder? Happier
b. Thinner or fatter? Dunno
c. Richer or poorer? Richer

18. What do you wish you’d done more of?
Saving up

19. What do you wish you’d done less of?
Seeking approval

20. How will you be spending Christmas?
I spent Christmas ingesting copious amounts of wine and meat with some very good company. So it was all good. :)

21. Who did you spend the most time on the phone with?
Maa, I think

22. Did you fall in love in 2013?
Not any new loves, no

23. How many one night stands in this last year?

24. What was your favourite TV programme?
Doctor Who; Mad Men; Koffee with Karan

25. Do you hate anyone now that you didn’t hate this time last year?

26. What was the best book(s) you read?
Gone Girl; Joseph Anton

27. What was your greatest musical discovery?
Miriam Makeba; Papon; The Decemberists

28. What did you want and get?
The new/old job

29. What did you want and not get?
A trip abroad

30. What were your favourite films of this year?
Fukrey; Lootera; Toy Story 2 and 3; Utsab

31. What did you do on your birthday, and how old were you?
25. There was impromptu small party at midnight. Then I spent the whole day watching Doctor Who and eating pasta. Went out in the evening for makke ki roti and sarso ka saag with S. My first vegetarian birthday, but I managed!

32. What one thing would have made your year immeasurably more satisfying?

33. How would you describe your personal fashion concept in 2013?
I tried harder than I did in 2012

34. What kept you sane?
S and books and Doctor Who

35. Which celebrity/public figure did you fancy the most?
Neil Gaiman; David Tennant; Benedict Cumberbatch

36. What political issue stirred you the most?
Delhi assembly elections; The hanging of Afzal Guru; Mandela's death; Pussy Riot; Supreme Court's fuckshit ruling to not scrap Section 377

37. Who did you miss?
My old self

38. Who was the best new person you met?
Gunjan; Deepti ( I had met them in late 2012, but really became friends in 2013)

39. Tell us a valuable life lesson you learned in 2013.
I get by with a little help from my friends. :)

40. Quote a song lyric that sums up your year?
Ganja nahi hawa hai, dawaa hai/ Galey ka manjan, aankhon ka niranjan hai... :)

Wednesday, December 18, 2013

I found this randomly today. I had apparently written it at the end of 2010 (which was...holy fucking shit...THREE years ago), and not hit "publish" for some unfathomable reason. Look at how fresh faced I seem! How naive! How young! How vulnerable! How utterly twenty two! (To put things in perspective, the tiny apartment has long been discarded, Wimpy's has long been out of business, I have quit Heartless MNC and joined back again six months later, secret Saptami movie date has long acquired a terrifying life of its own, L has long since moved out, and I have long ceased to be twenty effing two.) Ah youth, you fleeting bastard.

In January!

I jumped around in joy a little. Didn’t take my French exams and felt horrible about it for months afterwards. Joined the Editing and Publishing course.

In February!

I turned twenty two. Had a song written and composed about me. Went to the epic Shantiniketan trip with friends.

In March!

I played some holi and drank some bhang. Took some exams. Heartless MNC called and said I might just probably maybe almost have a job with them. Or not.

In April!

I got addicted to Dexter. Injured my foot. Finished my Editing and Publishing course. Got a job with said Heartless MNC. Couldn’t jump around in joy because of said foot.

In May!

I took my final sem exams at JUDE. Attended the farewell for my batch. Wore and saree and took some long coveted photos. Went for the epic part 2 trip to Barkul with friends.

In June!

I moved to a new city. Started living with a couple of Punjabi ladies as a paying guest. Scrunched up my face at having only vegetarian food for meals every day. Discovered Karim’s. Discovered Wenger’s. Missed Kolkata like a phantom limb.

In July!

The city started feeling familiar. Made friends with colleagues. Started liking my job. Got used to the vegetarian food. Continued to miss Kolkata.

In August!

I started looking for houses. Was disappointed at the complete lack of suitable place to move into. Took a trip to Manali. Inhaled some questionable substance, ate some awesome food and listened to the Beas as it flowed by. Started counting days to Pujo.

In September!

House hunting continued with a vengeance. Extreme depression followed when one realized that it wasn’t working out. Spent all my money shopping for people back in Kolkata. Discovered Wimpy’s, Nizam’s, Keventer’s. Got addicted to Lost. Missed Kolkata a bit more.

In October!

Went back to Kolkata for pujo. Saw the little pandals as my plane landed in the city and almost died from happiness. Hung out with friends. Was perpetually high. Went on a secret movie date on Saptami (which would turn out to be significant later on, but I didn’t know it then.) Went to Benares for Lokkhipujo. Surprised my parents twice in one month.

In November!

Found a house! Found a house! Found a house! A tiny two roomed apartment over a garbage dump, without any sunlight and a closet for a kitchen. But what do I care? I found a house! Found a house! Found a house!

In December!

Shifted to new house. L decided to move to Delhi. Therefore, three people ended up living in a tiny space. Figured that we would probably need to look at bigger apartments soon. Learnt to cook a little. Got absolutely smashed on new year’s eve. With the sudden clarity of thought that only a lot of narcotics can give you, realized that it wasn’t such a bad year after all.

Wednesday, November 27, 2013

I understand that this blog is...for most purposes...gathering dust in a long forgotten corner of the internet. But then, I never really wrote for an audience. Not even in the college heydays of ellipses-filled, vague, megalomaniac blogposts.

However, even in its moth-eaten state, the blog is part of the great big INTERNET...full of other people...and maybe, just MAYBE...the chance that other people may stumble across this will shame me into finishing my to-do lists.

Therefore, here goes:

1. Dust the shelf. Dust the shelves. Dust the book. Dust the books.
2. Change bedsheets!
3. Collect the kameez from the darzi!
4. Make the annual trip to Sarojini and stock up on winterwear.
5. Rearrange shoe rack.
6. Pay credit card bill.
7. Pay gas bill.
8. Get the broken window pane repaired.
9. Cook something...anything. (Maybe dessert?)
10. Seriously think about that exercise regimen. Do not wait till every joint starts creaking.

Hmmmm...sometimes I astound myself with my wild, partying lifestyle.

Saturday, November 09, 2013

Drinking Thums Up and watching Mad Men on a chilly Delhi evening, there's nothing in this WORLD I want more than to put some words out there.

I want to write. I want to write so bad that it's an empty ache in my throat that I carry around all day. But words are not formed of empty aches. Words need patience. And blood. And the sweat of the brow. And everytime, EVERYTIME, a little part of your soul. 

Thursday, October 10, 2013

I'm going home tomorrow.

I haven't been this delirious with joy in a very long time.