This is what we do till the wee hours of morning when sleep refuses to entertain.
Me: Tomar khobor ki?? (Whatsup???)
J: Aar amar khobor aar ki... (What can be my news)
Making love to a rugged man called life...the bastard that he is
Me: And life has not been treating me well too...sometimes I wonder...does he take bribes??? I would be more than happy to pay up then...
J:He is a nasty bastard.Wont accept bribe too. .And in any case I am bankrupt.How do I pay him?
Me: I don't know..does he accept chocolate icecreams????
J: Would he now?I dont think.
He prefers wine.
Not chocolate ice cream.
Wine is stronger,red like blood and makes his blood warmer,
his ruthlessness murkier.
He wouldn't accept it.
And if you do offer him wine...he'll just want your blood....
Salty like tears...
Me: Tears are cliched....
blood then, yes....
red and warm and thick...he might accept...
or lets say,
musty, old, yellowing, crumbling dreams????
J: Dreams?Well lets just say I have come face to face with them.
And I have learnt to accept that they closely resemble illusions....
Lets say they are as useless as garbage!
Dreams are just what we believe would be absence of tears.
Active and passive nourishment for him..life's madness and badness....dreams in the passive form and tears in the active
Or lets just say the negative and positive sides to it--
his hunger,his thirst,his wants,his desire...
Me:Illusions they are, yes,
But madness they are not..no
vividly coloured swirls perhaps...
or soft balls of nothingness...
J: Madness,illusion,dream--all are stringed.All are thirsty.All are crippled.And all are parasites.Sucking peace,love,empathy.
Me: Illusions...madness not...
unreal visions maybe...
a bit blurred at the edges..
crisp and crumbly to touch, musty to smell...
J: All blurred...all hazy..all insanely fuzzy.
One can never see through any of them ever.
Illusion is darkness and the copulating ground of madness.What is more unreal than darkness.....than believing something to be true when it is not? Isn't it but madness?
Insane desire to see what is not, to hear what is not...without light, without resonance we build world - a colourful and chirpy world.
Call it unreal.
I call it illusions..yes...
of a lunatic!
Me: Blurred and hazy are but intrinsic characters of illusions...of dreams....
And madness, woman???
What are dreams without madness??
Without that tangy taste of lunacy...
The jagged edges of unreal-unknown-hood???
J: When I say madness I don't mean the sweet twitter of whims and fancies and fascination.I mean the ruthless waves of obsession,pride,ego of a sadist as well as a masochist.It's eccentric, it's weird..and it's scary.It curls my blood.My feet turn cold.
Lunacy is different.It's sweet and it's also bittersweet.
Madness is frequently salty, randomly bitter.Dangerous!It is!
Unreals taste yummy with a pinch of crazyness.
Reality tastes well...INSIPID!
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I was alone, this bird had flown.
14 comments:
So am I.
Love you Apu.
MMuuahhh:)
Gliding through (sometimes rushing through???) the conversation, I felt an intense desire to add a third perspective--- my subconscious taking hold of me--- to add a bit of indifference, to add a calm yet passionate voice which will say, " Today I woke up from my dream and my nightmare, and found myself sinking in another dream, then another..... then I thought, (realized not) that may be this is all a huge dream, everything around us and my friends and enemies and you, who wrote down this conversation and is now reading this garbage, are but being dreamt of..........
Oh, forgot to unquote, but who cares...I have a dream to share.......
people reading too much sandman, eh? good good... always good for health.
sheer poetry.
I often step aside, and tend to watch lives intersecting. Of which one is perhaps my own. I do not tend to bribe it, or plead with it. It does not know that I exist. I do not have the innocence of dugga and apu to convince life about dreams. I am essentially different, hypocrite, you may call me.
But I still find the juxtapositions fascinating, the insane fuzziness magnetic. The illusory reference to the unreal cuts through my own reality with its jagged edges. I do not make love to life, but I can still love the pain of it, or am I, as you say, a masochist?
For once it’s not dugga and apu, nor myself. For once, as I trespass through these conversations, I see hypocrisy and innocence blend. The fusion, perhaps an illusion, or a soft ball of nothingness, is still overwhelming. For once, I come face to face with me. I shout out at my hypocrisy, my life, or are they the same?
“Throttle the madness. Let the warm, thick blood gush out of the dreams. Nourish the illusions, not life.”
Reality, you say, tastes insipid. I agree. But is life real? Let the dreams vouch for that.
Write on…
once a wise man told me that my life is the dream of another person..if this is true then where shall i draw the line between reality and dream? ideal and concrete, the imagined and the tangible?
the conversation of apu and dugga forces me to face the inner self of mine. it makes me question the 'I' in me. is that the real 'I' that i am nurturing and nourishing in me with such verve or is it a dream of mine that i so desperately want to become? i do not have any answer what i know is the conversation truly reflect innocence, which is slightly tinted by the cynicism of the harsh reality. reality is insipid, oh!!!hail madness, insanity, dreams and illusion. let us live dreams and illusions and ideas, not life.
ami boliki, mathaye jey olpo-bistor ghilu shNatrey berachhilo, shetakeo ghor-chhara korli reyyy? :-[
thanks for the hug, say, you might be happy to know that i shan't be attempting to pat you on the head again...
shala shuwor!!!!!!!
matha ghamiye dili porte porte. somehow suddenly i can't stomach any of such high funda stuff anymore.
i like my life 2-D, like a cartoon. my dreams are like movies.... i always wake up!!
@ alluder - :) :)
@Methuselah/ J - Love u too Dugga di. Mmmmmmmmmuah back. :)
@SS - Ethereal..and profound.
@TBC - No Mandy. This is not the effect of Sandman. J has not read the Sandman till date. This is what comes out of weird thoughts inducing sleeplessness.
@Diviani - It is??? Thank you then. :)
@anon 1 / RD - Floored. And flattered. And no, what you wrote is not trash. And no, I am not saying this to make you feel good.
@anon 2/ MP - Dreams ar illusioner modhye thaktey parlei je lifey ar kono dukkho thakto na Kodlu di. Kintu ta ar holo koi????
@rainbeau - henh henh...raat 2toy ghilur ar kichhu oboshishto thakey na rainbow didi. :P
@anc - you are always welcome...anytime... :)
@ragz - hahaha...I prefer my life 2-D too. these are just meaningless ramblings induced by sleeplessness.
uff, vampire story to the core, bimbo... a pure vampire fantasy. ull do me proud yet.
Will continue the conversation some day. Dint like the abrupt ending at all.Wish you had stayed up that night.I want to know what happened to Dugga and Apu with the new JS pic and chocolate cake pic now trudging across the scrapbooks.
wow.
I liked the whole gustatory approach to madness...
strange conversation...but nevertheless brilliant...i loved the part about making love to life..
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