Tuesday, December 12, 2006

Till when I was around 5 or 6 years old, packing for Benares trips used to be huge fun.
For me, that is.
There was this red bag I had. With yellow embroidery and tiny mirrors on it.
I lugged it around whenever I went on long train journeys. And packing it for Benares used to be a ritual.
I used to clean my desk first. And everything which didn’t belong to the desk went into the bag.
Plastic bottles full of aam-chur, my tattered copies of Thakumar Jhuli and Mahabhrater Golpo, sketchpens to colour my nails with (not being allowed to wear nailpolish, this is what I used to do), this small marble statue of an elephant ( it was cold to touch, and I pretended that it was ice cream and I was eating it), blue inland letters which Baba wrote to me from Benares, small multicoloured hair-clips…etc..etc..
I don’t know exactly why I took all these with me to Benares. They were not particularly important stuff (well maybe except for the letters and the books).
I just did.
Sometimes, when you are that young, you do things without really thinking why.
It was probably the fun I had pretending that they were important stuff, and being very busy packing them all in.
Subconsciously I probably wanted to see if things which couldn’t find place in my Kolkata desk could find a nook in my Benares flat.
And some of them did, infact. The clips almost never returned. And twice the elephant didn’t. Once I even left some of letters there. On Baba's huge working desk beside the window.
But then, one day, I lost my bag.
I was around 8 or 9 then I think.
During the next trip, I got myself a backpack and crammed it full of Dairy Milks, Enid Blytons and Nancy Drews.
But it was not the same.
My old red bag, which always smelt of guavas was sorely missed.

Have been cleaning up the desk inside my head lately. Its in a mess. Full of stuff which doesn’t belong. Fragile and yellow and multicoloured and cold and marbled and tangy and sour and whatnot..
Goddammit, I need to find my red bag.


Anonymous said...

You shall girl..soon..very soon.
Look here and there and everywhere.

It can't be lost for life.

I also had a bag--a tiny patched pink one.It had a nice green particularly rugged looking baby elephant on it. I used to cram pastels, crayons and even I remember once a very very tattered copy of 'the town mouse and the country mouse'.It didn't matter somehow. I loved the colourful pages especially the one carrying the picture of the country mouse's home inside this big tree.
I wanted to have a room like that.

I lost it somewhere.Once it reappeared. Along with it came a three year old wanting to be hugged and given poppins and five star.

Then I lost it again.

I never thought I would grow up...

Sighhh...a thousand times..

Heathcliff Ranting... said...

Cant say anything.. everything is blurred..
tried to pull out some yellow pages from the dark abyss, nah!! they are torn and tattered...

can only utter my favourite quote,
"to be young was heaven".

saptarshi said...

This was so well written.Got me recollecting...

I used to have a bag that was embroidered blue and red with glassy beads and all.I kept all my stuff...like bundles of train tickets,business cards(that baba dint need),a pack of playing cards(that had 45 cards.I was very proud until someone told me that it was an incomplete set),pebbles(that i got from different places),coins,shells...

And i used to take them out of the bag at least once a day and arrange them on my bed and look at them.Then i packed them back in.It was fun. :o)

Anonymous said...

since u are an adult, everything u do has to be rational...what a pain??
tell me hows the search goin??

suddha said...

ke haay hridoy khnure
bedonaar nakisure
enke chole latapata :-P

you made me travel down the memory lane, something which I normally refrain from. Still enjoyed it thoroughly.
I remember having this small container which I used to keep all the coins I could get my hand on. I had around 50 bucks in there. Oneday this one girl in the class, whom I liked a lot, wanted an icecream. And I, being as chivalrous as I am, took out this container and counted the coins in front of her and said "I think I can afford that" and that was about the last time she asked me for an ice cream :-D
I have had a lot of purses since then but the container, well, I miss it like hell. As for your bag, you surely will find it. If not in reality then in your memories......good luck :-)

AquilusAltus said...

thought provoking.

There's this plastic sword i've had since I was 5. It glows in the dark, one of those things that really appeal to kids. I used to sleep with it beside my pillow till I was 10, I think. I dont know where it is now.

I'd almost forgotten about it.

Anonymous said...

you make me feel like my best friend's just been transferred with chances of future crossing of paths rather dim.

and here i was, all placid stillwater at the thought of finally having beaten the longing.

Anonymous said...

ouch!!!! painful!!!
me being "monica", i hate losing stuff. I once remember losing a little white toy car and my Jedi's lightsaber (which i substituted with a painted toothpick, but not quite to the same effect.)Damn!! That hurts!!!