Wednesday, December 16, 2009

Rudderless.

JUDE, to me, has always been an end in itself. So when people started drifting away after Masters, I squeezed my eyes and held tight. Because letting go of this place was impossible. Not because of mushy nostalgia, but because I had really not thought anything beyond this place. Ever.
Most of my friends know what they want to do after the next six months. I swing between incredible options and lame excuses for not letting anything materialize. I spend hours on net looking up bizarre facts and watching youtube videos. I read aloud Ruskin Bond to myself. I wake up, take a shower and go back to sleep again. I write one horrible exam after the other, and my results suffer terribly. And yet I come back home and read yet another Swedish short story, procrastinate and make random STD calls to dispel the sudden chill. I take forty five minute bus journeys for some cups of tea and good conversation. I dream of dancing every other day, and never get around to making that call and asking my teacher to take me back again.
I try to learn a new language, and cannot get beyond the first few sentences. Instead of learning French verbs, I watch the news and try to memorise the Sri Lankan batting order. Just for fun.
I make up my mind to take a competitive exam. I get hold of some materials. I study for a month. And then I procrastinate and tell myself there's still time.
And thus I write an incredibly rambling blogpost, turn over and go to sleep.

6 comments:

Heathcliff said...

o love this.. absolutely.

Spin said...

You don't need to know where you're going, you'll go regardless. No option.

mojo said...

this is incredibly good writing, woman.
p.s. dont worry be happy. get laid. and no. i am NOT arunava.

inihos said...

I seem to know a lot of people who seem to be on the same drift...

March Hare said...

@madhu - hee.

@srin - i hope so srin. i really, really hope so.

@doyeeta - duto lomba roga loker moddhe ar tofat roilo na. heh.

@sohini - well, frankly, i don't know many. :P

Anonymous said...

It happens only too often, to me :-(

I have figured out one thing. These are the phases when people are in their creative spree.

I usually let go of things (struggle makes it worse) and try to float in the tide. After a time, when the tide returns, I simply collect the good things that have come this way and arrange them neatly. :-)