I crave :
chocolate.
nonchalance.
intricacy.
moderation.
peace.
tanginess.
driftwood.
conversations.
sleep.
time.
a goddamn life!!!!


And not necessarily in that order.

Been hearing a lot about love lately. And seeing it too.
About how people fall in it.
Fall out of it.
Tiptoe around it. Apprehensively.
Circle it like a hunter circling its prey. And poke it. Tempt it to show its true self. Urge it to come out of its shell.
With words.
With actions.
With silence.
With inaction.
Am loving it. And laughing.
And remembering my first love.
And suddenly, the lanky, bespectacled, rather dumb young man is transformed into an unreal vision of unfulfilled dreams. Of hundreds of could-have-beens, should-have-beens and would-have-beens combined.

I put my crumbling, old, dusty unrealities away. Lock them up in that intricate curved box that somehow always smells of moth balls and guavas and push it back under the farthest recesses of my bed.

Now I am back.

I wish people luck.

[M - Favourite English teacher from school.
P - Her son. A school senior.
We were talking about - M being partial towards me.
It was - A rainsoaked, gloomy Mahalaya morning.
I was - Bored. Stiff. With nothing else to do.]


P : Unhu unhu, biased teacher der motamot er kon daam nei.... motei cholbe na, cholbe na cholbe na[sloganer dhonge bolte hobe]...


Me : M ke biased bolo???? Sahos toh kom noy...Gantta khabe???


P : Nishchoi biased eksho-unoshottor bar biased.... aar gatta khabo na... khete bejaye baje.....


Me : M biased holey chaandtio sobuj cheese diye toiri. Ar gantta khawa na khawata tomar choice noy. Ota onekta castor oiler moto. Khetey baje...kintu khele akherey shorir sustho thake.


P : Castor oil ami motei khai na.... oshob na khelei shorir shushtho thake.... oguli sref shushtho shorik byasto korbar pontha.... btw, chand ta shobuj cheeze diye toiri hobar fundata bhalo..... eta quite possible....hotei pare....ar ganttata marbe ke ?? tuii ??


Me : Ami martei pari. Kintu tahole ekta moier dorkar hobe. Noile dhyanga dekhe kauke ekta jogar korey niye asbo khon. Ar chand moteo sobuj cheese diye toiri noy. Chandta asoley ek dola tulo..jar modhye buri bosey chorka katey. Eitukuo jano na???? Ar castor oil jodi na khao tahole gantta hochchhe neempata bata. Othoba chirotar jol. Dutoi boro baje khetey. Kintu shorirer pokkhe upokari.


P : Iyarki hochchhe??.... moi niye gatta marbar cheshta korle moi kede nebo.... chandta motei ek dola tulo noye.... tahole to brishtite bhije eituku hoye jeto.... ota ashole cheeze i.... tui thik janis na.... mohaloyar din shokal shokal rajyer baje jinisher naam bolchish kneo re ?? issh castor oil, chirotar jol, neempata bata... jottoshob, ontoto mukhshuddhir jonyo bhimnager shondesher kothatao bola uchit chilo...


Me : Tumi ekta ja ta...chaand toh thake megher uporey...brishtitey bheje koi???Ar cheese diye toiri hole atodiney poche durgondho beroto na???Achchha...ar chirotar jol ityadi bolbo na.Amar gantta = Banchharamer chitrokut.Eibarey sonamukh kore kheye nao dekhi!!


P : Dhet!! Tor GK ta joghonyo.... cosmic rain er naam shuinishni naki.... tae abar shunechi ontorikkhe khuuuuuub thanda.... tai poche ni.... khik khik egulo dhorte pare ni.....ei iye mane chitrokut mishti ta amar pochondo noye, naamta bichitro.... khele gola kutkut o korte pare... ke kothaye boddo mishti.... gatta khawate hole dariker rabri ba nidenpokkhe mohonlaler gujiya.


Me : Chitrokut bejay bhalo khetey.Khati gheeye bhaja.Kintu tumi jokhon bolchho...tokhon...umm..Mithaier mishti doi cholbe???Ar mohashoy...ontorikkhey jotoi thanda hok...koti koti bochhor dhorey cheese na pochey bosey achhe...mamdobaji????


P : Hmmm eta cholte pare.... kintu chandta poche je jayeni sheta to ratre akashj dekheli bujhte parbi.... Btw, yarki hocche, ontorikkhe jinish poche ki kore shuni ??? atmosphere nei kichu nie mae niden pokkhe hawao nei, shekahen emni emni poche jabe.... hobe na hoye na...


Me : Goley jabe na???? UV rays achhe toh!!!


P : Gole jaye to.... kintu ghore bole choriye jaye na... just despersed hoye jaye.... proti ponerodin ontor ontor dekhbi chandta gole jete jete aar nei.... tarpor dini abar ek thala dampulir moton ektu ektu kore gode othe....


Me : Liquid ghorey kikore???Adhar koi???


P : Liquid kotha theke holo? semisolid ba plasma r moton bolte parsih.... ghurle ota ekta shape hold kore thake.... aar gravity ache bole chhitke beroye na....


(Sorry. But, couldn't be bothered to translate the entire thing into English.)

Bhubono miley jay surero rononey,
Gaanero bedonay jai je haraye.....