Since I have absolutely nothing to do. And like, you know, when you sit on the sofa watching nth reruns of SaReGaMaPa, and this huge tsunami wave of nothing-to-do-ness hits you? Well, yeah, that happened today. And so, I dug out a list. And that is my blogpost for the day. 7 things. And excuse me while I go and attach myself to the sofa again.

And here they are. 7 things I wish to do in my lifetime:
1.Go snorkelling around the great barrier reef.
2.Meet John Nash.
3.Watch a superhit movie being directed.
4.Give an eve-teaser a bloody nose.
5.Keep a pet pug and name it Hutch. (I read it somewhere, the pug-being-named-Hutch, that is.)
6.Experience Oxford. Real life.
7.Dance. At the Royal Albert Hall.

They define poignancy thus.

I say, it is simply, this.

Hori din toh galo, sondhya holo, paar koro amare..

The Sen person.
Taking random shit from people (and generally displaying no backbone whatsoever)

since 1988.

Just.

Barely there. :)

Realisation that my road to nowhere starts from Malory Towers and goes up to Jaisalmer (NOT the city, just hypnotism and globetrotters and Mukul), wounds through Blandings and meets up with the muddy pathways of Nishchindipur.

Yellow-brick-roads need to be found. Quick.

Sometimes I wonder at how pat I have my childhood down. Books and songs and certain conversations. And 12 years giftwrapped and delivered at your doorstep. Just like that.

Geromeet.

The curious tangy taste of vodka mixed with chicken and beef and fish and cheese.
And there was smoke in my eyes, and smoke in my lungs and a general smokiness inside the head.
Certain comfortable shoulders and conversations provided nice places to retreat from time to time, just as the little bit of Neverland left in this world shook itself and settled down over rickety tables and drunken souls.


A small bit of lost-lost magic, floating aimlessly about this world for so long, finally found a tiny foothold. :)

Oly.

This is to beef steaks, rugged carpets, and overflowing pegs of Fuel.
This is also to SPE next door, graffiti laden toilet walls, queasy stomachs, torn sofas and stoic faces.
To spinning rooms, blunt knives, scurrying rats and tumble-down ceilings.
And to countless, timeless, hurrying, whispering, nudges of time, and secrets as they poured out.

Kobi Guru.

"...Bosiya achho kano apono money,
Swartho nimogono, ki kaaroney.
Charidikey dekho chahi hridoyo prosaari,
Khudro dukkho sobo, tuchchho maani..."

This helps. A lot.


Thank you. :)


And happy birthday, by the way.

I was seven-years old at the time, when love, in all its glory and fury, jumped out from behind a musty bookshelf and bonked me hard on the head.
It smelled a little like Chelpark Royal Blue ink, and also a bit like the breathless-escapades-on-steamers-during-partition-stories which dadumoni used to narrate, before he went all wrinkled and quiet. It reminded me of 7o’clock dashes to the building which is 103 A&C Ballygunge Place, and the sour taste in mouth when the milk would just not finish and the clock would just not slow down. I touched it gingerly, and it was soft. Like mamma’s cotton saree-aanchals when I would wipe my hand on them after lunch.
I talked to it. It smiled back.
It took my breath away. And I have been lost ever since.
When heartbreak happened, and loneliness happened. And people just went on pretending and wouldn’t stop, I would randomly shut myself up, and wander off.

There.

And just sit there, in this random rajasthan fortress, besides the road in this strange kingdom far away, on the steps of this normal benares ghaat or in this half-forgotten village at the end of nowhere, until all the broken me-pieces were collected and glued back together.
And when pisemoshai just went away, (I refuse to say that he died), and everything just went freaky inside my head, I went and huddled up next to her.
And listened to her sing : "Hori din toh galo, sondhya holo, paar koro amarey..."
And cried, like I needed to.

Its been a fabulous 10 years of unwavering, intense love. And worship. And a way of life which just refuses to die.
Every single day, I am newly bonked-on-the-head, and every new facet I discover, settles itself inside, like this old and ragged quilt, which never fails to provide comfort, no matter HOW zonked I am.

Pardon my unashamed gushing. I adore, worship, love this man.

Smitten, badly, since 1995.

Happy Birthday. (Tad belated)

MOHARAJA, TOMAREY SELAAM.

You know there is something horribly wrong with the education system OR me (with emphasis on the latter) when, less than 12 hours away from my end semester examinations, I spend the last 3 hours reading 5 pages of Pope, and ingesting :

1. Cadbury Dairy Milk - Three-fourth of a bar.
2. Shukno Bournvita - Copious amount.
3. 7-Up - Almost an entire half litre bottle.
4. Lays Wafer Style Chips - Half a packet.

I then proceed to think of curly hair, Danny Dengzappa and nail cutters in precisely that order. (Don't even begin to demand an explanation of the chain of thought.)

And then, I blog about it, in meticulous detail.

Sometimes, if it is really hot and still outside, didimoni takes an afternoon nap. The halud-jirey-amsotto smell clings to her, and if it is after-shower, mysore sandal soap wafts in as well. The cotton saree is neatly tucked all about, as she snores gently with her hands splayed wide. Arm skin sags, and makes a nice, soft place to tickle, if I am bored.
And if mindfuck happens, and I tiptoe in to snatch a cuddle, she always knows. Opens her eyes a teeny bit, and I go and curl up besides. Face down on the soft arm-skin. A toothless half-grin later, she drowsily retrieves her arm and starts whispering

‘Megh mulukey, jhapsa raatey, ramdhonuker abchhayate…’

I turn over, and go to sleep. And if luck permits, dream of random boys climbing over clouds.

Okay, ahem..disclaimer.
The last post was NOT about me going bonkers or me having a drug overdose or me wallowing in self-pity.
It was loneliness. And about somebody passing away. And certain other stuff which do not include the ones mentioned above.
On second thoughts, I was rash. And a tad hurried. The last post was DEFINITELY not blog-worthy. More of a private-journal-entry perhaps.
But it felt nice, this. I didn’t know so many people cared. :)
Anyways..

On other things,
My body clock has finally kicked the bucket and gone for a long overdue, all-expenses paid trip to Hawaii. Or so it seems. These days, 4 in the morning is the regular time for going to sleep. And eyelids don’t open until 10. It was enjoyable, in the beginning. The drip-drip-drip of the tap, the Isaac Asimovs, the rats scurrying by, the chocolate biscuits at night and the drip-drip again. But now-a-days, it sucks. Enough of it already. Sweaty, sleepy, cranky and with a sour taste in the mouth. Definitely not the way to be at 11 every morning.
However, this is where I roam about every night, when sleep refuses to come..


On moon day the dream king gave an audience to five small children who had traveled a long way, seeking their lost mother. He met them in a hall filled with scarecrows who whispered among themselves in the voices of the stars of the silent screen.
Dancing salamanders brought the children silver plates piled with exotic ice creams of various flavours, and with fruits they had never seen before and would never see again….although they would dream of them in rare occasions, until they died.
Gravely the lord of dreams listened to each child plead and beg, and then at the end, he drew a door in the air with his finger, and the children walked through it, into the rest of their story.
And on moon day he arbitrated in a dispute between the knight of clouds and the body politic. He awarded the magic lantern show to the knight of clouds, although he permitted the body politic to retain custody of the six screaming stones and the snows of yesterday.
He walked from his castle to the dreams of a small boy in Hong Kong. He remained there for some minutes, observing quietly. Then he left.
He ate in the dream of the head-chef in the best hotel in Sri Lanka, a dream of a certain meal described to the chef by his grandfather. The meal consisted of almost fifty separate courses, and over two hundred dishes. The king of dreams tasted sparingly of a vegetable dish, and a little plain rice, and was contented by the perfection of each.
He had been asked to permit the sending of a dream of warning to a teenaged girl in South Africa. With this dream to drive her, the girl would grow up to take charge of her country, to unite all the dividing factions. Without it, she would become a nurse.
He came to his own decision, and relayed it to the Tribal Gods from whom the request had come. His decision brooked no argument, had no appeal.
And then, to conclude the day’s work, he gave an elderly tortoise, alone on her island these past two centuries, a dream of her love, roasted by passing sailors long since, for his rich, green flesh.

On Truesday, the Prince of Stories listened to the tale of a nightmare it had created a handful of years before and sent out into the world. The nightmare brought gifts: a photograph of a smile, a handful of dried thyme and a clammy, fat, silver-and-red clown toy made of something not unlike rubber. He gave it words of approval in return and it blushed black with pleasure.
Then the prince of Stories walked the bounds of the dreaming, beginning with the shores of night, and from there to the borders of the shifting places. He took ship in the archipelago and inspected the skerries, tallying each one, no matter how insignificant.
He rode a black horse across the lake of dawn, and rode a white horse through the mandrake wood, and rode a screech owl over the via lacrimae.
He walked through the love fields, and from there he walked on into nightmare.



On Wodensday he walked the castle. The heart of the dreaming is as large as the dreaming itself. He began in the cellars beneath the castle where once many wines and jars and distillates were stored. He took counsels with the great spiders and exchanged quiet words with many-legged scuttling things, who viewed him as one of themselves.
In the afternoon the Lord Shaper walked through the rooms of the castle above the ground, talking to each of the staff in turn, hearing their grievances, acknowledging their service and their work.
He spoke to the scar-dancers, to the straw-dust-women, to the old man with the swan’s arm who tends back stairs, to the three children of the autopsy, to the painters and the scriveners and the walls.
He spoke to people made of thin twigs, and to the dream ghosts who left glowing footprints as the only evidence of their passage.
He spoke to the embryonic silicon dreams who clustered in the far ballroom, and whispered to them, briefly, about the other machines that had dreamed in the distant past.
When this day was almost over, he went into the throne room, and took stock of certain items there, including those things he keeps in that room, behind coloured glass: the raw stuff, untamed, that is central to the dreaming.



On Thirstday, the King Of Dreams walked in the waking world. He stood briefly at the side of the hall watching a young woman with a guitar, tell an audience of a dream she had had, in song.
He stood infront of a painting spray-painted on a wall soon to be demolished, and after staring for some time, he nodded, as if in approval.
In a small park in Central Europe, he stopped to feed the pigeons, because it gave him pleasure so to do, although he stopped when it was pointed out to him that a sign said “Do not feed the pigeons.”
He walked across the park, and watched an open-air performance of ‘A Midsummer Night’s Dream’. He was mildly disappointed by the translation. He was, however, extraordinarily amused by the performance of the actor playing the part of Bottom.
Later that day, he visited each of his properties in the waking world, checking the upkeep and the condition of each; and then he returned to the dreaming.



On Fire’s day, dream was reviewing certain of the various treaties and agreements, between the dreaming and other states and boundaries and entities, when he was disturbed….’
- Neil Gaiman.

It's like you are outside your body, and looking down on it. And inside it, at the same time. And it feels as if the you've just had 1 joint all to yourself. All zonked and dry-mouthed and you desperately want to puke. And there's a lump in your throat and you can't breathe? And it's like the 55 year old man who died suddenly this morning, and the 15 year old stepping forward for Mukhagni just don't exist any longer. Never did. Never will.
You know, like Neil Gaiman talking about 'parallel Americas' and how dream defines reality and destiny defines freedom? And suddenly I think of aunt Teleute. Pale and shimmering, weird eye-shadow and desperately cool. And Morpheus, with his Matthew and Lucien and all. It's funny, how I am thinking of Sandman, continuously, since I heard the news.

Suddenly, all of them make frightening sense.
Khider thekeo sposhto.

Coherence is not happening. Just. Not. Happening. No. Expectations. Happening. No. NO.

Comfortably Numb was CREATED to soothe claustrophobic, troubled, hurting souls. Listening to it in an endless loop since this afternoon. The sweat has dried, and it feels like sleeping on cold cement floors when you are burning up with fever.
Want to ESCAPE, dammit!! No crying baby. Just. No. Tears.

Hello.
Is there anybody in there?
Just nod if you can hear me.
Is there anyone home?

Come on, now.
I hear youre feeling down.
Well I can ease your pain,
Get you on your feet again.

Relax.
I need some information first.
Just the basic facts:
Can you show me where it hurts?

Nothing-else-to-do post. *grin*

Read my VisualDNA™ Get your own VisualDNA™

It was a nice house.
Softspoken, and clingy in some ways, but nice, if you know what I mean.
It was ancient too. The cracks showed. And so did the soft moss which grew at an alarming rate.
Previously, the front part consisted of one huge room which had wooden sofas and an old divan and arched windows, with green , wooden windowpanes. And an old, noisy refrigerator which was perennially grumpy. It had a television set too, which dutifully aired Mahabharata and Chitrahar every Sunday and Wednesday respectively. (But then of course, times, they changed and so did the TV. And now, every night, it beams coloured pictures and spins stories about the extra-marital affairs of ridiculously rich women.) The huge room had an adjoining chhotoghor which held old, rusty complan tins full of marbles, and one half of a broken carom board. And of course the mandatory, very old alna, with soft and reassuring housecoats and sarees and cotton shirts smelling of rin detergent bars. The verandah infront of the old house had a pillar painted blue. And then 3 steps. Down and straight if you wanted to get to the rannaghor, which was huge. With oil stained yellow walls, cement sinks and rows of jars full of ghorey pesha gorom moshla, 2 gas ovens, and an all-pervading smell of tej pata.
Down the 3 steps and left, and you came to the garden. Shiuli and joba. And mango and guava, batabi lebu, neem and coconut trees.
Down 3 steps and right, and there was the uthon. And the rooms surrounding it. Old rooms with kulungis and high four-posters and cool red cement floors which were heavenly and addictive on hot summer afternoons. The uthon though, was nicest during the winter. The sunlight which managed to strain in through the thick, double layers of mango and neem leaves was pleasantly hot and exactly the colour of melted butter. And you could get yourself a madur and a pillow, a Ruskin Bond and a small, paper packet of achaar and create your own little piece of heaven. The iron, spiral staircase at one end of the uthon was forbidden land till you attained a certain age. After that you could cling on to the railings and get to the chhat, which was silent and frightening and almost white with pigeon droppings or green with kancha aam, depending on the season.
The old rooms downstairs, had corridors too. Old corridors - my favouritest part of the whispering house. High ceilings, grills and chiks, and iron and wooden book cases. It was heavenly if you didn’t fear the occasional spider and the even more rare rat or two. Newspaper wrapped, crumbly, yellowed treasures were routinely discovered. 'Mohabharoter Golpo', and a hard bound, cloth covered Bengali translation of a Russian story called ‘Chuk ar Gek’, ‘Five have a Mystery to solve’ and ‘Leela Majumderer Sreshtho Golpo’, ‘Vivekanander Vedanta Chinta’, ‘Byakoron Koumudi’ and the complete annotated ‘Merchant of Venice’ (year of publication:1938) were all unearthed here once upon a time.


I will be moving away soon. To a flat, with snazzy lighting, snazzier furniture, French windows and a room of my own. The flat doesn’t whisper. Nor does it sigh when it’s sad. It is healthy, with no rats, no spiders and no random plump cat taking a nap on the panchil.

It is a nice flat. I like it.


It was a nicer house. I loved it.

"...Tora juddho kore korbi ki ta bol..
Mithye ostro shostro dhorey, praanta kano jay beghorey..
Rajye rajye porosporey dwondey omongol,
Tora juddho kore korbi ki ta bol.
Raja koren tombi tomba.
Montri moshai kisey kom ba..
Proja peye oshtorombha, holo heenobol.
Tora juddho kore korbi ki ta bol.."


Much thanks to her for the coming up with this in the first place. I added bits to it though.
Apt. Very.

She was the daughter of the nth cousin of the nth cousin of my father. And she studied in my school. And also in 2E. Same class. Same section. And so, of course, I just had to go and be all sickly sweet and ask her how she was and did she know x person? And of course then, she must be knowing all about y and all that blah.

‘No’, she replied, coldly. ‘I am sorry, you must be mistaken’.

What a stupid girl!!!!

And then, 3 days later, ‘Ohhh..you meant x person? Well, of course, I call her z, and that’s why I didn’t recognize it!’ And so all is good, and yayyay!! And also, ‘Ramgorurer chhana is just yum! Don’t you think?’ (Well, not exactly that. But words to that effect)

And of course, you have to launch into an animated conversation after that!

Class 3 was spent wincing. Homeworks copied for me when I fractured my collar bone. And poring over Pagla Dashu together.

Class 4 was Enid Blyton. Joint discovery. ‘Shadow The Sheepdog’ read out aloud in class by B Miss. And we were hooked. Both of us. Malory Towers and St.Clares and oh! Midnight Treats and riding lessons! FiveFindOuters and Famous Five and how we both wanted to disguise ourselves and get a dog. 4 was also the time of house-visits. Mutual. It meant tape frocks and sharing cool slices of mango and orange fish cut outs, and marble paper ice cream cones with cotton as icecream, for show-and-tell.

Then high school happened. And class 5 was
'Captain Planet he is a hero,
Gonna take pollution down to zero’….all the way.

So things proceeded. Six was pretty tame. Only Titanic took our breath away. Long conversations dominated by the words Leonardo, sexy (newly acquired) and huge sighs happened pretty frequently.

Agatha Christie and first menstrual cramps, we dissected them all. Anonymous flowers left for her on the school desk in class 8. (she was , and still is, breathtakingly beautiful :) ) and I was the one who went to investigate the source. First crush ( a humongous one, might I say) when I was 12, and she was the one at the receiving end of my lovesick swoons and very very bad poetry. Sandwiches wrapped in silver foil in a plastic box wrapped in a checkered napkin, which were dutifully exchanged with cold and soggy French toasts dunked in ketchup.
‘Day spendings’ at each other’s houses when much time would be spent drooling over Hrithik Roshan and dancing to ‘Ek pal ka jeena’. Detailed exchange of Bangkok and Benares adventures and attentive story telling/listening sessions featuring ‘Anna and the King’, ‘Ever After’, ‘Jumanjee’ et al.
Sharing orange sticks during sports practice, and feeling a tinge of pride (amidst a lot of disappointment) when her house won the march past competition (well our house won the house championship and so there!!). And yes, still drooling over Hrithik Roshan. All night ‘addas’ under the blanket during the school excursion in class 11, and getting to know all about steroids and constant reminders to keep inhalers within reach. (she had chronic asthma..)
Frantic late night calls during class 12 and she would patiently explain theories of probability and the Gross Net Product and suchlike things.
Gravely advising her on her then-would-be-now-steady boyfriend. Bad attempts at learning badminton. And feeding the kittens smuggled in and kept in a wooden box under her stairs. Much beauty tips and yoga snippets shared and the first shoulder to cry on when heartbreak happened. Lots of serious decision making and grave nodding of heads over cold coffee.

Its been almost 13 years since I first met her. Conversations happen. But not long-drawn-out-soul-bearing-types. Busy-schedule-and-respective-colleges-eating-up-time excuses given. Most frequently. Starting where we left off, but the zing is amiss, many a time.



I totally heart you T. I miss you.

I have just realized that I will have to settle for being the second fiddle. At least in this case.

Ah well, life, you know.

I should have guessed much earlier.

This one is for JUDE.

It is OUR KUBLA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

YO!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Due to certain legal procedures involved, my previous post has been temporarily removed.
Please do keep checking back.
Thank you.

9th March, Evening, OAT Stadium, Jadavpur University, Kolkata.

Hille le jhakjhor duniya,
Hille le jhakjhor...

Gush, gush, gush, gush, gush, gush, gush, gush, gush...............
Starry eyed. Period.

(The picture is not of that day's performance though)

read ur profile (timepass karna tha)....
found it quite interesting (maskaa maar raha hoon)....
u look a good in tis pic(yaar ab jhooth bhi bolna pad raha hai iske liye)....
will u like to b my frnd plzz (chalo tu nahi to koi aur mil jaayegi teri frndlist mein)....
i hope u wont mind me adding u (plz bhaav mat khana, add me )....
just check out my profile (kuchh likha nahi waise maine)...
u'l find we hav lots of things common (teri profile padh ke hi add ki hai maine)...
bye n take care ( mere bolne se jaise firk pad jaayega )hahahaaaa just kidding ,
dont mind.....can v be frnds




hi . .i m Manjeet............an unknown person for u but i think at some point in life each and every person is unknown to other..So i wanna know u u wud b ma frnd...what u say???



hi my self maddy.........
wana be ur friend
accutually dear ur sweet face has attracted me in making friendship with u..........
plzzz aceept my friendship....
waiting for ur sweet reply..........

Sheesh. It seems nice. The world being full of such friendly people. Oh my!! Be still my heart!

Ar sadsod hotey bhallagchhe na.
Dhyattor.
End of chapter. Closed book. Finish. Khattam shud.

And on that note,
Bookfair booty.
Birthday booty.
Books and movies. And then some more.
Back to dance classes again. Losing it in twirls and baghleis.
Regular work-outs.
Vigorous, stimulating, exciting, brilliant classes. Shakespeare and Bernini. And Gauhar Bai and Bauls and Gandhigiri.

Whee..breathlessness...here I come. :)

*fingers crossed*
Ahem.

Should I go ahead and go all longingmushysadandoverwhelmed?



Or should I go about things just as I have been in the past?



All nice and childish and stupid and laughing and distant and fake and nyaka and masquerading?

Horrible horrible horrible Reading Disorder.

Piles of books all around. Nice, juicy, interesting, fabulous books.

Nothing is being finished. Nothing is being digested.

Have not had the light headed-immersed in fiction-lost to the world feeling for so long.

Gnawing, scratchy, icky mind. Claustrophobic.

"Aguner poroshmoni chhnoyao praaney,
E jeebon punyo koro dohono-daaney.
Amar ei dehokhani tuley dhoro,
Tomar oi debaloyer prodeep koro -
Nishidin alok-shikha joluk gaaney.
Aandharer gaaye gaaye porosho tobo,
Sara raat photak tara nobo nobo.
Noyoner drishti hotey ghuchbe kalo,
Jekhane porbe setha dekhbe aalo -
Byatha mor uthbe jwoley urdho-paaney."

Sejodadu died today. Within 3 weeks of Sejodida's (his wife's) death.
For once, a song says it all.

For months, I would be excited about ‘the-night-before’.
And for one night, the big four poster bed I slept in, would smell of Topa-Kul and jaggery instead of Pond’s talcum powder and Ma.
The blanket that I snuggled under, would become this separate island, a parallel universe, from where I defied the norms of logic and peeped out through a cranny. And observed.
Observed liquid gur along with khoi and coconut disappear into big kadais over kerosene stoves, and come out as scrumptious mowas and nadus…which would, then, be left on newspapers to cool.
Observed sugary kadma and batasa and nokuldana unearthed from paper packets and spread out on brass plates as offerings.
Observed sandalwood-paste being made, and flowers being garlanded and fruits being sliced into neat, clean cubes.
Observed rice paste and water serving as the raw materials for some of the most astonishing art works – alponas, ever seen.
And then, suddenly, it would be time to wake up and take the ritual holud snaan before the Puja.
The Puja would be nice, no doubt. The early morning chill would give me goose-bumps and I would feel all grown-up and important when asked to fetch a plate from the next room.

Many Pujas have passed since then. I have transformed from an observer to an active worker. Dida has lost even more teeth. And now-a-days, mowas and nadus come from plastic packets. The Pujo, though, is intrinsically, still the same.
It is only the night-before that has lost it’s sheen.
The essence of that half-asleep, shadowy world where didas would seem immortal and Narkoli Kuls would be even more tempting than the forbidden fruit, is simply there no more.
I miss it sorely.
I do.

Nostalgic.
Happy.
Puzzling.
Boring.
Trippy.
Bad.
Confusing.
Crappy.
Shiny.
Pompous.
Reluctant.



HAPPY 1ST BIRTHDAY BLOG!!!!!!!

Puff, the magic dragon lived by the sea
And frolicked in the autumn mist in a land called honah lee,
Little jackie paper loved that rascal puff,
And brought him strings and sealing wax and other fancy stuff.

Together they would travel on a boat with billowed sail
Jackie kept a lookout perched on puffs gigantic tail,
Noble kings and princes would bow wheneer they came,
Pirate ships would lower their flag when puff roared out his name.

A dragon lives forever but not so little boys
Painted wings and giant rings make way for other toys.
One grey night it happened, jackie paper came no more
And puff that mighty dragon, he ceased his fearless roar.

His head was bent in sorrow, green scales fell like rain,
Puff no longer went to play along the cherry lane.
Without his life-long friend, puff could not be brave,
So puff that mighty dragon sadly slipped into his cave.

Oh! Puff, the magic dragon lived by the sea
And frolicked in the autumn mist in a land called honah lee.


This song reminds me of half eaten biscuits and Kisholoy on a drowsy Monday morning. And breathless, blue-schoolbag-lugging runs down Ballygunge Place footpaths.
It still smells of surf-excel, bournvita and chelpark royal blue ink.

For me, Puff never stopped roaring. He had just gone for a walk down the yellow brick road.

Pondscoldcream-patisapta-yellowsunshinewhichlookslikemeltedbutterontheuthon-blackforestfromFlurys-monkeytupisinBenares-bathsinscaldinghotwater-komolaleburjam-chocolatecakefromNahoum's-chappedlips-blanketsinsunshine-coldnose-dancerehearsalstillyoudropdead-kulerachaar-gorgeousbenarasis-weddinginvitations-bookfair-butterfryfromBenfish-angulkatamoja.

'Tis the Season to be Happy.

Till when I was around 5 or 6 years old, packing for Benares trips used to be huge fun.
For me, that is.
There was this red bag I had. With yellow embroidery and tiny mirrors on it.
I lugged it around whenever I went on long train journeys. And packing it for Benares used to be a ritual.
I used to clean my desk first. And everything which didn’t belong to the desk went into the bag.
Plastic bottles full of aam-chur, my tattered copies of Thakumar Jhuli and Mahabhrater Golpo, sketchpens to colour my nails with (not being allowed to wear nailpolish, this is what I used to do), this small marble statue of an elephant ( it was cold to touch, and I pretended that it was ice cream and I was eating it), blue inland letters which Baba wrote to me from Benares, small multicoloured hair-clips…etc..etc..
I don’t know exactly why I took all these with me to Benares. They were not particularly important stuff (well maybe except for the letters and the books).
I just did.
Sometimes, when you are that young, you do things without really thinking why.
It was probably the fun I had pretending that they were important stuff, and being very busy packing them all in.
Subconsciously I probably wanted to see if things which couldn’t find place in my Kolkata desk could find a nook in my Benares flat.
And some of them did, infact. The clips almost never returned. And twice the elephant didn’t. Once I even left some of letters there. On Baba's huge working desk beside the window.
But then, one day, I lost my bag.
I was around 8 or 9 then I think.
During the next trip, I got myself a backpack and crammed it full of Dairy Milks, Enid Blytons and Nancy Drews.
But it was not the same.
My old red bag, which always smelt of guavas was sorely missed.

Have been cleaning up the desk inside my head lately. Its in a mess. Full of stuff which doesn’t belong. Fragile and yellow and multicoloured and cold and marbled and tangy and sour and whatnot..
Goddammit, I need to find my red bag.
Soon.

Krrring…krrring.

Me: *half asleep * Hello?
S: Hi! I just called to say, that I am hanging up!!

*click *


With friends like this, no wonder I am so loopy myself.

And then, one of these days, you think it is over.
You poke.
You prod.
Satisfied, you take a deep breath.
‘Finally’, you say out loud, ‘its gone..caput…’
And you get a curious tangy feeling in your mouth.
You look up.
The stars must be a little brighter, you think.
The wind whips your face. Its cold.
But you don’t mind.
Because, you are happy, aren’t you?
Because, it is over, isn’t it??



And on other days, you desperately wait for his call.

The smell of paint has faded.

The final bow has been taken.

The props all put away.

People have applauded for a final time, and gone home.

The lights have dimmed.


Shit … shit …shit

…I never thought I would say this (especially not for this ..)….

but I miss it…..

I do..

Champagne with Garam masala.

Wine with biriyani.

A female pope who had a child.

And a modern executive who abandoned hers.



It's all about

Women on top............

14th November.
Evening.
Gyaan Manch.

Be excited. Be very excited.
(with due apologies to the rainbeau peep)

Whipping out the dusty quill spew out brilliance is not actually my cuppa tea.
So I will stick to doing my tag (I have been tagged by this funny and brilliant female) without any frills and thrills.
And that’s that.
Hmmmph.

10 simple pleasures:

1. Reading . (Well yes…call me an aantel, a snob and what-say-you…but I can’t imagine anything more simple…and more exhilaratingly pleasurable.)

2. Remembering. ( It’s probably the masochist me speaking…because remembering certain conversations…random walks, sudden looks, touches…gives me the most excruciatingly painful pleasure ever.)

3. Watching people. ( It’s unnerving…sometimes strange people stare right back at you. But I love watching people. And if you are a JUDE student and have access to ZeLedge then oohhh lala…you’ve just booked yourself a front row ticket to the people watcher’s paradise…squealing females…jumping males…weird pink skirts…golden jholas…orange and green bras…hot professors… dreamy eyed geniuses…mushy couples..you get it all… right here..right now..)

4. Singing in the shower. (Nothing is more stress relieving than making John Lennon and Rabindranath turn in their graves while rinsing your hair.)

5. Washing my hand. (It’s probably weird. But I love to do this. I love the feeling of the dirt and grime peeling away…I love to see the grey water swirl and disappear…and I love the fresh feel and smell afterwards)

6. Being out in storms. ( No, not rains as much … but the stuff preceding it…the dust-getting-into-your-eyes-mouth-nose-the-umbrella-flying-right-off-the-tangy-smell-taking-over-your-lungs kind..)

7. Biting into a cheese cake/gorom topse maachh bhaja/ patisapta. (Do I really need to explain this one??)

8. Talking. (Pleases. Surprises. Dirties. Numbs. Hurts. Cleanses.)

9. Dancing. (I stumble. I falter. I fall. But I sway. I twirl. I laugh. I get away. I live.)

10. Sleeping. ( Shuts out the world. Let’s me be alone. And most importantly, provides the only place where I manage to get a date with Johnny Depp as well as a 100% scholarship to Oxford.)


p.s. Oh yes...and I tag (and I can't link..so I will just write their blogger user id's) aquilusaltus, phemonoe and scorpionragz.

I didn't want to come back.
I swear I didn't.
And even if I did, I wanted work. Work which choked, strangled. Work which soothed, lullabied. Work which made one forget.
But then the wind came...
through the narrow galis, past the old pan shop with its rows of shining silver jars full of zarda, past the oil stained walls of 'Khirod Kachori Bhandar' which smelt of ghee and smoke all day, past the shorts wearing and mineral water drinking foreigners who were disappointed with the University because, unlike the rest of the city, it was 'green, clean, vast and quiet'. It blew through the old haveli where a rickety old man sat smoking a hookah on his even ricketier old khatiya. It ruffled the leaves of the pipal tree, making the inhabitant monkeys chatter even more loudly.

And it brought with it the incense, the flowers, the gobar, the innumerable cows, the earthen diyas, the ash-smeared jatadhari sadhus, the brass trinkets, the glass bangles, the tinkleof the bells, the busy chant of the purohits, the trade-cry of the hawkers, the ever present gurgle of the river, the Gangarati, the colours, the faith, the courage - the sheer energy of moving, speking, throbbing humanity.



And I breathed it in. All of it.
And laughed.
I am back now. And the facade is safely back in its place again.
I am smiling.
See me smile.

I crave :
chocolate.
nonchalance.
intricacy.
moderation.
peace.
tanginess.
driftwood.
conversations.
sleep.
time.
a goddamn life!!!!


And not necessarily in that order.

Been hearing a lot about love lately. And seeing it too.
About how people fall in it.
Fall out of it.
Tiptoe around it. Apprehensively.
Circle it like a hunter circling its prey. And poke it. Tempt it to show its true self. Urge it to come out of its shell.
With words.
With actions.
With silence.
With inaction.
Am loving it. And laughing.
And remembering my first love.
And suddenly, the lanky, bespectacled, rather dumb young man is transformed into an unreal vision of unfulfilled dreams. Of hundreds of could-have-beens, should-have-beens and would-have-beens combined.

I put my crumbling, old, dusty unrealities away. Lock them up in that intricate curved box that somehow always smells of moth balls and guavas and push it back under the farthest recesses of my bed.

Now I am back.

I wish people luck.

[M - Favourite English teacher from school.
P - Her son. A school senior.
We were talking about - M being partial towards me.
It was - A rainsoaked, gloomy Mahalaya morning.
I was - Bored. Stiff. With nothing else to do.]


P : Unhu unhu, biased teacher der motamot er kon daam nei.... motei cholbe na, cholbe na cholbe na[sloganer dhonge bolte hobe]...


Me : M ke biased bolo???? Sahos toh kom noy...Gantta khabe???


P : Nishchoi biased eksho-unoshottor bar biased.... aar gatta khabo na... khete bejaye baje.....


Me : M biased holey chaandtio sobuj cheese diye toiri. Ar gantta khawa na khawata tomar choice noy. Ota onekta castor oiler moto. Khetey baje...kintu khele akherey shorir sustho thake.


P : Castor oil ami motei khai na.... oshob na khelei shorir shushtho thake.... oguli sref shushtho shorik byasto korbar pontha.... btw, chand ta shobuj cheeze diye toiri hobar fundata bhalo..... eta quite possible....hotei pare....ar ganttata marbe ke ?? tuii ??


Me : Ami martei pari. Kintu tahole ekta moier dorkar hobe. Noile dhyanga dekhe kauke ekta jogar korey niye asbo khon. Ar chand moteo sobuj cheese diye toiri noy. Chandta asoley ek dola tulo..jar modhye buri bosey chorka katey. Eitukuo jano na???? Ar castor oil jodi na khao tahole gantta hochchhe neempata bata. Othoba chirotar jol. Dutoi boro baje khetey. Kintu shorirer pokkhe upokari.


P : Iyarki hochchhe??.... moi niye gatta marbar cheshta korle moi kede nebo.... chandta motei ek dola tulo noye.... tahole to brishtite bhije eituku hoye jeto.... ota ashole cheeze i.... tui thik janis na.... mohaloyar din shokal shokal rajyer baje jinisher naam bolchish kneo re ?? issh castor oil, chirotar jol, neempata bata... jottoshob, ontoto mukhshuddhir jonyo bhimnager shondesher kothatao bola uchit chilo...


Me : Tumi ekta ja ta...chaand toh thake megher uporey...brishtitey bheje koi???Ar cheese diye toiri hole atodiney poche durgondho beroto na???Achchha...ar chirotar jol ityadi bolbo na.Amar gantta = Banchharamer chitrokut.Eibarey sonamukh kore kheye nao dekhi!!


P : Dhet!! Tor GK ta joghonyo.... cosmic rain er naam shuinishni naki.... tae abar shunechi ontorikkhe khuuuuuub thanda.... tai poche ni.... khik khik egulo dhorte pare ni.....ei iye mane chitrokut mishti ta amar pochondo noye, naamta bichitro.... khele gola kutkut o korte pare... ke kothaye boddo mishti.... gatta khawate hole dariker rabri ba nidenpokkhe mohonlaler gujiya.


Me : Chitrokut bejay bhalo khetey.Khati gheeye bhaja.Kintu tumi jokhon bolchho...tokhon...umm..Mithaier mishti doi cholbe???Ar mohashoy...ontorikkhey jotoi thanda hok...koti koti bochhor dhorey cheese na pochey bosey achhe...mamdobaji????


P : Hmmm eta cholte pare.... kintu chandta poche je jayeni sheta to ratre akashj dekheli bujhte parbi.... Btw, yarki hocche, ontorikkhe jinish poche ki kore shuni ??? atmosphere nei kichu nie mae niden pokkhe hawao nei, shekahen emni emni poche jabe.... hobe na hoye na...


Me : Goley jabe na???? UV rays achhe toh!!!


P : Gole jaye to.... kintu ghore bole choriye jaye na... just despersed hoye jaye.... proti ponerodin ontor ontor dekhbi chandta gole jete jete aar nei.... tarpor dini abar ek thala dampulir moton ektu ektu kore gode othe....


Me : Liquid ghorey kikore???Adhar koi???


P : Liquid kotha theke holo? semisolid ba plasma r moton bolte parsih.... ghurle ota ekta shape hold kore thake.... aar gravity ache bole chhitke beroye na....


(Sorry. But, couldn't be bothered to translate the entire thing into English.)

Bhubono miley jay surero rononey,
Gaanero bedonay jai je haraye.....

This is what we do till the wee hours of morning when sleep refuses to entertain.


Me: Tomar khobor ki?? (Whatsup???)

J: Aar amar khobor aar ki... (What can be my news)
Making love to a rugged man called life...the bastard that he is

Me: And life has not been treating me well too...sometimes I wonder...does he take bribes??? I would be more than happy to pay up then...

J:He is a nasty bastard.Wont accept bribe too. .And in any case I am bankrupt.How do I pay him?

Me: I don't know..does he accept chocolate icecreams????

J: Would he now?I dont think.
He prefers wine.
Not chocolate ice cream.
Wine is stronger,red like blood and makes his blood warmer,
his ruthlessness murkier.
He wouldn't accept it.
And if you do offer him wine...he'll just want your blood....
Salty like tears...

Me: Tears are cliched....
blood then, yes....
red and warm and thick...he might accept...
or lets say,
musty, old, yellowing, crumbling dreams????

J: Dreams?Well lets just say I have come face to face with them.
And I have learnt to accept that they closely resemble illusions....
Lets say they are as useless as garbage!
Dreams are just what we believe would be absence of tears.
Active and passive nourishment for him..life's madness and badness....dreams in the passive form and tears in the active
Or lets just say the negative and positive sides to it--
his hunger,his thirst,his wants,his desire...

Me:Illusions they are, yes,
But madness they are not..no
vividly coloured swirls perhaps...
or soft balls of nothingness...

J: Madness,illusion,dream--all are stringed.All are thirsty.All are crippled.And all are parasites.Sucking peace,love,empathy.

Me: Illusions...madness not...
unreal visions maybe...
a bit blurred at the edges..
crisp and crumbly to touch, musty to smell...

J: All blurred...all hazy..all insanely fuzzy.
One can never see through any of them ever.
Illusion is darkness and the copulating ground of madness.What is more unreal than darkness.....than believing something to be true when it is not? Isn't it but madness?
Insane desire to see what is not, to hear what is not...without light, without resonance we build world - a colourful and chirpy world.
Call it unreal.
I call it illusions..yes...
of a lunatic!

Me: Blurred and hazy are but intrinsic characters of illusions...of dreams....
And madness, woman???
What are dreams without madness??
Without that tangy taste of lunacy...
The jagged edges of unreal-unknown-hood???

J: When I say madness I don't mean the sweet twitter of whims and fancies and fascination.I mean the ruthless waves of obsession,pride,ego of a sadist as well as a masochist.It's eccentric, it's weird..and it's scary.It curls my blood.My feet turn cold.
Lunacy is different.It's sweet and it's also bittersweet.
Madness is frequently salty, randomly bitter.Dangerous!It is!
Unreals taste yummy with a pinch of crazyness.
Reality tastes well...INSIPID!

Books half-read/lying around unread -
1. A Suitable Boy - Vikram Seth
2. Life of Pi - Yann Martel
3. The Native Speaker - Chang-Rae Lee
4. The black Tower - PD James
5. 100 short stories - O.Henry
6. Kim - Rudyard Kipling
7. The Last Man - Mary Shelley
8. Three Men in a Boat - Jerome K. Jerome (yes..yes..I haven't read it yet...shameful...yes I know)
9. Sankalito Bhromonkahini - Shankar
10. Purba-Poshchim (dwitiyo khondo) - Sunil Ganguly
11. Rijuda Somogro (5th part) - Buddhadeb Basu

And I have to sit and read up stuff like 'Anglo Saxon Poetry' and 'Beowulf'.....

Dammit.
Life sucks.
Big time.

"Whenever I am sad, Himesh Reshmiyya and Rabindranath come and stand before me...I find such solace in both of them..."




For once in my life, I was speechless.

.....and suddenly....everything is so much sharper.......everything....it's like someone has retuned the old and rickety television set of a mind....even the lone raindrop which fell on my upturned face and trickled down..... almost unnoticed..... till my lips...seems colder, clearer and tinglier (pardon the awful choice of words) all of a sudden...

The above sentences don't make any sense....but then....nothing in my life makes much sense either... I think I have lost the power to differentiate between reality and make believe....and random conversations do not help.....


p.s. ignore this post..... am in a horribly incoherent mood today....

"Girls smoke only to maintain equality with the guys. They are only trying to imitate the guys by smoking."

"When a guy gives gaali, it is not good....but when a girl uses bad language, it is so bad...it is positively obscene. This is also an attempt by the girls to imitate us guys."

"I have selected a very nice topic for this year's debate. It goes something like 'Should girls smoke??'"

This...from a student of one of the premiere educational institutions in the city. He is almost 20...and also happens to be my best friend's boyfriend.

??????????????????????

Sigh.

Am in a lazy-sleepy-dreamy-grinny-eatluchialurdom-readpartofanovel-sleepagain-dreamagain-talkcrazy-dance-listentobismillahkhan-watchapursansar-haverandomconversationswithpersonewhosevoicesoundslikesandipray-walkintherainwearingshortssothatthelegsgetsplashed-spendhourssuckingaspoonfullachaar kind of a mood.

Nothing much happening in life really. Except for the fact that I am suddenly grinning all day and watching mushy movies. Don't know why. Don't want to know.

Except for that....nothing to do. Nothing to write about. (I can't believe two people actually wanted an update!!!! From me!!!!!!! Shniff...shniff..HK and A...me flattered...me honoured....)

So will post this all time favourite poem instead...


I crave your mouth, your voice, your hair.
Silent and starving, I prowl through the streets.
Bread does not nourish me, dawn disrupts me, all day
I hunt for the liquid measure of your steps.
I hunger for your sleek laugh,your hands the color of a savage harvest,
hunger for the pale stones of your fingernails,
I want to eat your skin like a whole almond.
I want to eat the sunbeam flaring in your lovely body,
the sovereign nose of your arrogant face,
I want to eat the fleeting shade of your lashes,
and I pace around hungry, sniffing the twilight,
hunting for you, for your hot heart,
like a puma in the barrens of Quitratue

By Pablo Neruda

…and besides everything…watching F.R.I.E.N.D.S when you are depressed is a bad…bad… BAD idea…because it only succeeds in making you realize how utterly, totally cute and unattainable Matthew Perry really is.

Sigh.

….and everything said and done I can’t deny the fact that it is mouthwateringly delicious and breathtakingly beautiful to see 22 sweaty but gorgeous… gorgeous men with perfectly sculpted bodies (yes…I have to admit 99% of the soccer players are…to put it mildly….pure hunks) run around the field in their shorts…chasing a ball.

I don’t know any of the technical nitty gritties of the game (and according to certain people this makes me no better than the ‘next air-headed bimbo’), but still, I am making it a point to catch as many matches a possible….just to ogle and soak in the sheer beauty of it all.

Oooohhhh!! Be still, my heart!!

Been forced to play the role of an agony aunt till wee hours of the morning.

It has been almost 4 years now.

And he is still not over her.

And by the look of things....neither is she.

But of-course....they will never admit that. Both of them.

Sigh.

Sometimes I wonder.....

...and apart from everything else...there were two elephants in the JU campus....yes..TWO..I kid you not...but as soon as I got onto one of them..(one of my old school friends was on the other one...)..the JU jheel magically (well..duh!!) turned into my school..surrounded by no less than acres and acres of yellow mustard fields...straight out of some Yash Chopra flick...(it looked weird though...a small, yellow building....within the mustard fields...too much yellow, I tell you..)....and I raced...ACTUALLY RACED....my elephant down those fields.(with my friend racing her elephant right beside me...of course)..the only problem being that as I had just come out of the department my ...(as in...I found the elephants and the friend waiting for me after I had come out of the examination hall..)....my jhola kept coming in my way...and I couldn't have a very comfortable ride...but on the flipside...there was a mahut somewhere I think...lurking in the background most probably...and while I was racing the elephant and trying to manage the irritating jhola at the same time...he kept offering me tiny cucumber sandwiches and patisaptas which looked simply delicious....

With dreams like these...any wonder why I love to sleep???

I had ‘batasas’ last night. At 1:30 a.m. Nice scrunchy, sickly sweet ‘gurer batasa’. While desperately trying to understand Coetzee.
Coetzee, ‘gurer batasa’, a splitting headache and watery eyes makes a very interesting combination. Inject some intense panic in it, and the combination turns positively lethal.
So I closed my book, switched on my computer and read The Sandman instead. I have been reading it a lot recently.
And nobody please ask me how my exams went today.
I made up stuff as I went along. Especially about Rushdie and "Haroun and the Sea of Stories".
And Hamlet Pow Pow Pow advised me to think of it as 'meta academics'.....because 'I made up a story about a story about a story'....
Wow!! Interesting thought....that.....

'Jeebono jokhon shukaye jay
Korunadharay eso,
Sokol madhuri lukaye jay
Geetosudharose eso.

Kormo jokhon probol-akar
Goroji uthiya dhake charidhaar
Hridoyoprante he neerobo nath,
Shanto chorone eso.

Aponare jobe koria kripon
Kone pore thake deenoheen mon,
Duyar khuliya he udaro nath,
Raj somarohe eso.

Basona jokhon bipul dhulay
Ondho koriya obodhe bhulaye,
Ohe pobitro, ohe onidro,
Rudro aloke eso.'

If I had to choose a single literary piece to help me get through the rest of my life, this would probably be it. You won't believe the amount of bad times I went through with this as my sole companion (Too bad I can't sing...or I would have hummed this all day long)
Thanks, buddy, for creating this....(you don't mind being called buddy...do you??)
Thanks....for being there.... with this....and numerous others.....always...... whenever I needed them/you....


Ektu deri hoye galo (this should have been done yesterday)...but never mind....
HAPPY BIRTHDAY, anyways.

Fourteen years of toil finally paid off today. I am happy....very much so....

But the effect was perhaps a tad bit marred by almost 50 squiggly, hyperactive kids (not ONE of them was more than 5 years old) ....NONE of whom would keep their make-up on even for 10 minutes at a stretch.... you won't believe the number of times I was confronted with tearful eyes and smudgy make-up and wails of 'Didi gooooooooo....o amar kajol dhebre dilo goooooooooooo'.

Wuuuuufffff....I will go and have a big bowl of chocolate ice cream now.....my batteries need some serious recharging....

HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO..............ZE GOD....

Oh.....the woes of Dancing....

'Sen' is in deep trouble.
She has a show on the 7th.
And her knees are bloody and scraped and have turned black and blue from too much 'baghlei'. (That's a Manipuri term for going round and round on your knees...it is an integral part of the classical dance form)
Knee caps aren't helping. They hurt even more.
And though 'Sen' is possibly the worst dancer in the group...(she trips like a hundred times for each round of 'baghlei'she does...and is clumsy too...and can't go round in perfect circles as almost all the others manage to do..) she will have to put on a semblance of performance on the 7th....won't she???
So, does anybody have any tips on how to make black and blue and bloody knees heal in record time? (And while thinking please keep in mind that 'Sen' can't rest her knees completely till the 7th...she has rehearsals you see...)
'Sen' will be eternally grateful for a tip that works....and promises to feed the kind hearted soul as much chocolate fudge sundae as he/she desires....

Let's just put it this way.....

I have sore feet from walking and standing for too long ....

I have terrible, terrible, terrible mosquito bites all over my body.... even though my eyes are watering with all the mosquito repellant smoke....

And I got a terrible 'jhaar' from my dida for staying out extra late....

But I would gladly go through all these .... and more... to watch this just one more time......

p.s. Oh....and before I forget....I hereby declare that I am totally, irrevocablyand majorly in love with Puck...{or is it beacuse I liked the person who played it??....because when we went to backstage to get his autograph...(we were gushing sooo much that the cameraman kindly offered to take us backstage) it was HE (the actor's name is Ajay Kumar for those who don't know) who seemed awestruck at having to give his autograph...and kept on smiling a most embarrassed smile...as if he couldn't quite believe that this was happening}

p.p.s okay....okay....I know I am gushing....but what-to-do??... I can't help it.... I seriously AM mesmerised....and yes...I know the production was not perfect.....it had it's faults....but everything...right from the stagecraft to the lighting to the music to the acting....everything kind of came together and left me quite.....speechless....and....dazed...

my passion.....
my escape.....
my solace.....
my refuge.....

Ufffff...........at last.....term paper submitted, tests and presentations given......lull in work for at least 1 day (I hope so....)

And.....one of my friends says - "Dhush....amra insincere noi...amra shudhu phaankibaj...there is a difference between insincere and phaankibaaj you see...."

Errrr.....there is????

Aaaaarrrghhhhh....

Term papers, presentations, tests, end sems......suddenly...everything....one after the other.....nothing done, nothing prepared....
And on top of that I can't get this song "Free falling" out of my head....and I don't even know all the lyrics. Only the tune keeps on coming back and haunting me.....
Aaaaarrrghhhh.....GET OUT of my head you stupid song.........GET OUT I SAY.....

And everything said and done.......

I still believe in a 'Knight in Shining Armour'.

So there.

My very own 'Bandorer Dal'.

Taken by Anc (therefore, he is missing from the pic) during our memorable expedition to 'Scoop'.

How many people can YOU identify???

Spring is in the air. And love is all around.
And ‘Sen’ wants someone special too.
Most of ‘Sen’s friends are starting to get into relationships.
And ‘Sen’ is feeling kind of overwhelmed at the rate in which ‘Sen’s friends are falling in love.
But ‘Sen’ can’t find any suitable ‘someone special’ anywhere around her.
‘Sen ’ is very disappointed.
And ‘Sen’ has not been allowed to go over to Benaras. Or to Bhubaneswar either. Because ‘Sen’s end sem exams are looming ahead.
So ‘Sen’ is feeling kind of sad too. Because apart from the fact that she can’t visit any of her cousins before they go off to their B-schools, ‘Sen’ has also not studied AT ALL for her examinations.
(All she seems to do in the university now-a-days is to hang out with friends and ogle at a certain silver haired professor)
‘Sen’ thinks that she should really stop writing in third person.
‘Sen’ also thinks that it is high-time for some introspection and chocolate ice cream

This will be puzzling to certain people.....

What do you prefer???
Mountain Dew
Pepsi
or
Slice??

Or do you prefer the large bottle of water instead???

Some general observations.....

Ragz looks extremely cute in a shocking pink glittery skirt...(yes people...i DID say ragz AND glittery skirt...and i DID say cute...yes...CUTE..)

Yucky blue tops which look horrible on the rack manage to look extremely good on P.

Mojo resembles olive oyle (that is the spelling...isnt it??) in a skirt. But manages to look sweet at the same time.

Anc, though he NEVER tries anything on himself, generally has a lot to say about clothes...and what people (especially girls) should wear and how they should wear them.

Yippeehippie should NEVER wear synthetic, glittery red tops.

And as for me...well...classic blue denims (for some strange reason) DO NOT suit me AT ALL.(Can you believe that?)


Who said impromptu expeditions to shopping malls can't be fun???

Some people can successfully pull off the "don't care" attitude.
Why is it that I can't?
Why can't I just NOT care as to what certain people think of me?
It is okay if those certain people are my friends...but it becomes difficult when I care about the opinions of people I don't even know very well. People I don't even like.
Why can't I just NOT care if I feel like an intruder amongst people most of the time?
Why can't I NOT brood over small, insignificant incidents?
Why can't I NOT indulge in introspection once in a while?
It would be a lot easier that way.

The Pact (what we were supposed to do)
We are not to call up or chat with or send sms’s to or meet up(this part excludes my university friends because we have to meet each other when we come to the university) or communicate with each other (except for emergencies) for 48 hours.
By
Me and my friends. (Because we thought that we were communicating too much..and wanted to see if we could survive without keeping in touch with each other all the time.)
How long it was adhered to
Roughly 24 hours
What we actually did
Came to the university. Talked about the pact. Marveled at the fact that we had actually not communicated with any of our friends last evening. Saw a bus from the ledge. Jumped up. Decided we were feeling rebellious. And that enough was enough. Went running to the bus stop. Got on to the first bus that came our way (which, incidentally, was a Ramgarh-B.B.D. Bag). Called up most of our friends. Pondered over where we should go (so that…when the conductor came for the fare…we said something like …’kothay jachchi thik kore ni…tarpore dichchhi’). At last decided on going to Scoop (the Princep Ghaat Scoop). 15 people from all corners of Kolkata merged there. And had floats and french fries. And then they sang. And shouted. And joked. And giggled. And flirted. And said all kinds of meaningless stuff. And walked about aimlessly. And sat in the Maidan. (Because they found that Eden Gardens was closed to public till the elections). And talked. And sang some more. And generally scandalized everybody around.
Highlight of the day
When we ( mojo, yippeehippie, ragz and me)were congratulated on our ‘ganer gola’ by a ‘bhadralok’ in the bus. He said something like –‘ Tomader ki bhalo gola. Each one of you. Ar tomader moto meyera toh ajkal ar rabindrasangeet gayi na.’ I guess he didn’t hear all the Jim Morrison, Cranberries, Rang De Basanti, Goopy Gain Bagha Bain and Sound of Music songs (yes..yes I know..the range of our musical knowledge is mindboggling.) that followed the lone Rabindrasangeet we had sung.
My observation
If a sole evening spent without communicating with my friends results in such an expedition…then I want more and more of these pacts.
Why I enjoyed it soooo much
Because of the sheer unpredictability, madness and suddenness of the plan. And also because of the sense of adventure and the rush of adrenaline associated with it.

Yippeehippie deserves a very big thank you.

....

A friend of mine to another friend -
"Your skin looks enticing and chewy".
Well...enticing is okay.
But chewy??
CHEWY?? Cannibal naki re baba??

Rang Barse....

And now....

I am maroon. And my hands are a very neat pattern of black and blue. I look like a defeated boxer after a particularly heavy round of boxing.

Mojo is black. And green. And with her long hair she resembles a Maa Kali.

Anc is a sickly shade of green and grey. And looks alarmingly like Shrek or some yucky sea monster come up from the deepest depths of the ocean.

I has black lips.

R has purple teeth.

And S.M has yellow ears.

And right now, I think I prefer watching the older (black n white) version of 'Mughal - e - Azam'.

Aaaahhh...

The ‘aaaaaaaaahhhh’ got glorified yesterday evening.
So did the patting on the head.
Is A.B. the man or what?? His mannerisms get copied on stage!!!

My dad stays in Varanasi and most of my childhood was spent there.
Spent in the teeming, smelly, noisy ghats. Amidst bulls and monkeys and sadhus. In a throbbing, bustling city which was very very very alive.
And today.These random terrorists just came and destroyed my childhood haven. A place where I always turned to for solace.
I spent the worst 45 minutes of my life today.
I heard about these blasts on TV and I couldn’t get through to baba, pisi or any of my friends or my dad’s colleagues. I was sitting…watching TV.. watching those familiar roads and temples spattered with blood and gore..littered with the stray chappal, the purse, the chhata…watching those decked up politicians talking utter crap on all the news channels… while I was almost physically sick with worry.
I did manage to get through to baba and pisi after sometime… ( and I know that the university campus is the safest place in the entire city), but the worry still doesn’t go away.
Maybe it never will. And maybe in some distant future I will learn to deal with it.
But right now…I think I need my baba. In flesh and blood. And I need him to give me a great big hug.
Because my childhood memories were bloodied and blasted today.

Ooooooooohhhhhhh......

Well,… I have been tagged. And..so…here goes…
My perfect man has to be –
1.The most important point of all… IMPERFECT…I mean..I am not at all perfect myself, and having a relationship with a perfect man is bound to give me a huge inferiority complex….
2.HONEST….I loathe dishonesty.
3.TALKATIVE….strong and silent types make me nervous…and uncomfortable. I like to talk. And I like people with whom I can talk a lot. And I am not at all the kind of girl who gets subtle hints anyway. So the bottomline is…he has to express himself pretty clearly for me to get the point.
4.QUIRKY, OFFBEAT and most importantly HAS to make me laugh. And make me laugh a lot. Most of the time. And as I am crazy about food, HAS to feed me whenever I am hungry.
5.INTELLIGENT. And I don’t mean bookish intelligence. Though being well read is definitely an added bonus. ( This …though is connected to #3 as I can’t talk much with people who don’t read much.)
6.DECENT LOOKING. I do not want drop dead gorgeous hunks. I am never attracted to them anyway. But there has to be a certain amount of physical attraction. Has to be clean and has to smell good. ( It is a definite turn on.) Oh…and before I forget…. stubbles would be very much appreciated. Till a few months ago, I didn’t like them much. But recently I have realized that they make a guy look good. And I love their scratchy feel.
7.Has to be from relatively SAME BACKGROUND (both economically and educationally). I am not a snob, but I am sorry…a rickshaw walah CANNOT be my perfect man.
8.Has to LOVE me A LOT. And I mean a lot. And has to be insanely proud of me. I know that I am not the most attractive girl on this planet ( though he has to find me attractive). Neither am I the most intelligent. But he has to be proud of whoever I am.

p.s. All the above qualities (except perhaps #2 and #8) are not applicable to a certain silver haired professor in our department and another bloke who goes by the name of Antonio Banderas.

And I tag mojo, bilu, anc, contradictions, erebus, ragz, yippeehippie and onnesha. The rules of the tag being -
1. You have to write 8 points your perfect mate has to have. And you have to mention the gender of your perfect mate here.
2. And then you have to tag 8 other people.

Mirror, mirror on the wall....

According to my friends ,I resemble ( at various points of time ) :-
1. A beached whale ( err...I am very short ... and I thought whales were supposed to be huge?)
2. A beached porpoise
3. A baby walrus
4. A female hanuman
5. A mouse ( Apparently I resemble Jerry's orphan nephew who used to chomp his way through tablefuls of food....well...ok...I get the point....but I can't help it if I like to eat...can I?)
6. A stray puppy
7. A teletubby ( Though that is only when I start jumping up and down on seeing a certain professor of our department...though I have to admit that I am rather chubby...no...no..not fat ...just ...you know...plump??)

p.s. Though how the same person can resemble a whale and a mouse is beyond my comprehension..... but then I always did say...if there is one thing that all my friends are blessed with, it is an active imagination...

Today I got something that I had wanted for the last one year. But when I got it, I felt strangely empty and bereft.
Bereft of the wanting...if you know what I mean.
And now that I have it...it feels as if my want was strangely small and insignificant and petty.
I don't even remember why I wanted it in the first place.
Life seems very strange and complicated all of a sudden.
I think I need a chocolate icecream.

I had gone over to ‘yippee hippie’s’ place. Mojo came over after sometime. And having nothing better to do we decided to make crank calls. I didn’t know that calling up random friends and saying weird stuff to them would still be so much fun. I felt like a 12 year old again.
No gossip. No ‘pnpc’. No one hurt. No egos bruised. Just simple, unadulterated FUN.
I turned 18 last week. I had been waiting for a very long time for this birthday. At last…I thought I would ‘officially’ be an ‘adult’. I was tired of being the ‘child’ in my friend circle. I had been driving everyone nuts about how I was finally to become an adult. My mother of course..had something to say (she always has)…
“Adult hoye jachchho mane kintu ar ma eta koro, ma ota koro , ma eta dao, ma ota dao, ma eta nebo please..please..please??? bola cholbe na. Adult hochchho tahole u better behave like one.”
I, of course was too happy to agree. Who doesn’t want to be independent?? Amidst all the hullabaloo, however, I hadn’t given a thought to the fact that my 18th birthday would also be the day when I would ‘officially’ let go of my childhood.
And after today…somehow I desperately want to re-read all my old tattered copies of ‘Thakumar Jhuli’, ‘Aesop’s Fables’, ‘Roosh Desher Upakatha’ and ‘Molla Naseeruddiner Galpo’. ( Books which I had allowed my mother to give away to my 5 year old cousin…after I ‘officially’ became an ‘adult’)
“Ma, can I have them back again, please….please….please???”

7 Things I Have Realised After Joining JUDE....

1. That the people around you have the inherent capacity of making you feel THIS small...(and I am not talking about only the Professors here).
2. That on a scale of 10 I would probably get -
a. 1.5 on how well read I am.
b. 1 for my knowledge of cinema.
c. 0.5 for my knowledge of music.
d. -1 for my knowledge of theatre.
e. 1 for my intelligence.
3. That our department probably has some of the (if not most of the) attractive and 'colourful' professors in the university. [ I mean...come on... almost every student around me (me included) has a huge crush on one professor or the other.. ] And trust me...discussing professors and their idiosyncracies is the favourite pastime of the entire JUDE student community.
4. That even extraordinarily brilliant professors are not ashamed to say "I don't know" or "I really don't remember" or "I guess I was wrong then..." infront of a class full of 40 students.
5. That I can read Tintin/ listen to Dylan all day and claim that I am actually doing my studies.
6. That not only is smoking in the department not out of bounds but professors can actually come up to you and ask you for fags.
7. That there is no other place in the entire world where I would rather study.

I knew S could play the piano.
But I didn't know he was so good.
It is disconcerting when friends suddenly display hidden talents.

Ahem.......

Okay…. Before beginning let’s make this clear that I love my university. Especially my department…… right from the ahem… ‘interesting’ and ‘colourful’ professors to the equally ‘interesting’ and ‘colourful’ students……from the DL ( well….I don’t really know if I have the right to comment about the DL because of the simple fact that it is probably my least visited place in the department)….to the AV room ( why the V part is included I don’t know…because the projector is almost always upto no good….) …to the rather dirty and cobwebby classrooms…. But well…..there is always a limit to everything… and people have to draw the line somewhere. And I draw the line as far as loving the loo is concerned. I mean…. I don’t know about the men’s toilet there….but has anyone ever been to the girl’s loo in our department??? I went some days back…( I had been there quite a few times before…but this was the limit)….and I nearly fainted at the ahem…’scenes’ which awaited me…..I mean what’s with people??? Why don’t they umm…’excrete’ at places meant for that purpose??? There is a perfectly visible commode for God’s sake….. And I am really puzzled about the people who dirty the loo….because no one…but no one in our department seems to be of the sort who would …ahem…do it on the floor….I mean can you believe it??? THE FLOOR!!! So who exactly uses the loo except for us??? I think the UG 2 people had a signature campaign or something complaining about the state of the girl’s loo…but I don’t think anything concrete has come off it….( except perhaps for a handwritten/printed sheet proclaiming the rules about using the loo which I doubt if anyone follows)

p.s. And to top it all, today I discovered that the lock to the loo was broken….

p.p.s. On a totally different note thank u once again to ragz and anc for the lovely presents they gave me. My friends do love me, don't they??

Something I have been wanting to make people read for a long time

I know, I know....maybe I am tooooo much in love with Robert Fulghum (I have posted something by him in my blog before this). But I just wanted people to read this.....I loved this... hope others do too...
"PLAYERS
Definition: Persons with enough nimbleness of mind to accept a surprise invitation to jump into a quick game of imagination.
Example: Here's a city bus driver standing in the door of his vehicle, staring into the rain. An invitation from me, passing by: "OK, here's the deal: I'll pay for the gas, and you'll drive us straight to the beach at Santa Monica."He smiles. "OK, meet me here at midnight. It's the end of my run and they won't miss me or the bus until morning. I'll get some barbecue."A player.
Example: This lady with a shopping cart full of oddball stuff standing beside me in front of the cheese counter at the grocery story. My invitation: "I like the groceries in your cart better than mine. Want to trade? You take mine and I'll take yours. Could be interesting when we get home."She smiles. Checks out my cart. "You've got a deal,"she says. We take each other's carts and roll away. Later, she's waiting for me at the check-out counter. She knows and I know: we weren't really going to go through with it. But the few moments of madness brought new meaning to "going to the store for a few things."A player.
Example: There's a tailor shop on Queen Anne Avenue. Sign in the window says "Alterations and Repairs for Men and Women." The tailor is standing in the doorway. I stop. "I'd like to get altered and repaired," I say. She looks at me cautiously. Goes inside. Closes the door. Not a player.
Example: Vivacious young woman who works at the sidewalk flower stand at a nearby market. Last year she called me "Babycakes"just before Valentine's Day, but I haven't seen her since. Invitation: "Do I still look like Babycakes to you?" I ask. She looks at me shrewdly. "Sir, it is the policy of the store that employees are not to get familiar with customers." "Oh, too bad,"say I. She's no longer a player. As I turn my back and walk away, she whispers, "Thanks for coming by, babycakes."An undercover player now.
Example: Me at a well-known company to pick up copies of a manuscript, I am visibly annoyed - this is my third trip to get what was promised yesterday. The anxious clerk, Miss Saucer-eyes, is obviously new to the herd behind the counter and doesn't know what to do with me or for me. The work is still not done, despite promises. Getting mad at her won't help."OK, I won't make any trouble," I say, "Just give me a really clever, off-the-wall creative excuse - the wildest thing you can think of. Make me laugh and I'll go away."Miss Saucer-eyes is mute. This situation was not covered in training school last week. She whispers: "I'll speak to my manager."Not a player.Miss Saucer-eyes retreats to the back of the shop and consults with her manager, a high-energy, sharply-dressed woman. The manager marches briskly up to the counter, gives me a steely look, leans over the counter, and explains: "Sir, you may not know this, but this store has been a front for the Irish Republican Army for years. We're supposed to be turning in our firearms, and it seems a bazooka is missing from the inventory. When we find the bazooka, things will get back to normal. If I were you, I wouldn't make any trouble - just come back tomorrow, OK?”A player.
Example: A garbage man with monster truck. Cold. Rain. As I pass by, he says, "You look prosperous." "Thank you. I feel prosperous." "You look like the kind of guy who might have some frequent-flyer miles." "As a matter of fact, I do. Lots of them." "Listen, I need enough to get me to Buenos Aires, one way." "I've got enough. They're yours. But what's in it for me.?" "Here's the keys to this garbage truck. Even trade.”Yes! I've long had an urge to drive one of those things. I'd like to dump a whole load of garbage on a certain person's front porch. "It's a deal." "You got a license to drive a truck?" "Well, no." "Deals off - I can't be part of anything illegal, but no problem. Get a license. I'm here every Monday.”A player.
Example: Early morning. Lady standing at a bus stop. All seven people waiting with her have wires coming out of their ears. Radios, I-pods, Walkmans, or something. All seven are in a zone - nodding heads in time to music or staring off into space. As I pass, I say to the lady: "They're all alien robots, you know. Their souls have been sucked out of them." The lady gives me a hard look and moves closer to the curb. Not a player. A man who has just walked up says, "Yes, but they aren't useless. They're a street-theater company and I'm their manager. We're on our way to a gig downtown." "Really? What's the name of the performance?" "Bus Stop Stupor. Look for us everywhere.”A player.
Example: Clerk in a bookstore - older lady with dyed red hair. "Can I help you?" she asks. "Happy birthday," I say. (Makes people smile - sometimes you're early, sometimes late, but sometimes right on.) "Well, I hope you're coming to my party,"she says. "We need someone to jump out of a cake.""I'm your man." "You'd be expected to go-go dance in the nude.”"I'm not your man." "My mistake. Thought you looked a little kinky.”A player.
The lady waiting in line behind me - who overheard this conversation - drifted away from the counter and then walked out the door. Not a player.Later, as I walked by a sidewalk table at a nearby coffeehouse, I spot the lady customer who fled the store. "Sorry, hope we didn't annoy you," I said.She smiled. "Oh, no,"she said, "It's just that I jumped out of the cake last year. It hurts my feelings to think they're looking for a replacement.”A player after all.
People in the real world are more full of mischief than I could ever invent. Most are primed and ready to play. While I didn't make up these stories, I had to make some of them down - they were unprintably creative.
Look for players. They're everywhere. You may be one."
by Robert Fulghum.

And this is to console myself ..... (especially before tomorrow)

You Don't Have a Boyfriend Because You are Too Shy

When a guy gets to know you, he finds a great catchProblem is... you're too shy for most guys to get to know.From meeting someone to dating, you usually have your guard up.And while you're just holding back, it makes you seem like you've got something to hide.

Why Don't You Have a Boyfriend?

A friend of mine asked me this question some days back and I have been thinking about it ever since. The question went something like this -
What according to you is the all time best love story?? (and I don't mean personal accounts...I mean love stories from novels and movies...)
And though I have been thinking about this for sometime... I can't seem to make up my mind.
Some of my friends have some definite answers though...
Mojo says that it is "Love Story" and "Robibar".
According to Scorpionragz it most definitely is "Gift of the Magi". ( I somewhat agree with this.)
H says that he thinks it should be the movie "Pretty Woman".
And according to P it is (once again) "Love Story".
And so to everyone reading this post (intentionally or unintentionally) please take a few moments and answer this question of mine....

p.s. And this post is not because......(according to the greetings card companies) ..... 'love is in the air' nowadays....it is just a question I meant to ask people for sometime now.

Ahem........

Okay…..I am NOT good with people. Especially recently I seem to be freaking and pissing off random people
…which, believe me, is not my intention at all. I don’t think that I did anything wrong. But even then….if people were made unhappy by what I did….then I think that I should clarify matters a little.

To ‘A.G’ – I didn’t really mean to desert you. It was not my intention. And I am really sorry if whatever I did made you feel deserted. For the sake of our friendship I really hope that such misunderstandings are avoided in the future.

To ‘S’ –Okay….I am not really sure whether I pissed you off or whether I didn’t. But just so that things are cleared up…..I will just say that the event in question is just one of my pet freaks. I really can’t help it. According to someone I should have been more ‘subtle’and spoken to you face to face and all. But,…well I can’t really do ‘subtle’. ‘Subtle’ is just not my style. And if you were hurt (and I have serious doubts whether you were)….then I am sorry. That was just not my intention.


p.s. this post has too many ‘really’s don’t you think??

p.p.s. And I think I need to get my hormones checked. I seem to be bursting into tears under the slightest provocation nowadays.

p.p.p.s. And I think that 'babelfish' is a 'really' nice person.:)

.....

A friend of mine claims that friends blasting her unfairly leaves her feeling indifferent. But it is not the case with me. They are my friends and I do care about their opinions.
Lately a lot of my friends have been behaving weirdly and giving me a lot of flak.
And they are being unfair. Very much so.
I know that. But I am still feeling a little guilty.
And it is not just them…..I ALWAYS feel that way…whatever be my position…notwithstanding the fact that I may be right in the matter, I always end up feeling guilty when people blast me….and it is not as if I am always wrong.
I think I am a little spineless in that sense.
I don’t think that I am liking myself very much right now.
In fact, right now I feel angry and hurt towards most of the world.

?????

person x is not a very close friend of person y.
it was not person x's birthday.
it was not person y's birthday either.
it was a normal day. (i.e. no ocassion)
but still person y insisted on treating person y to some very tasty food from a certain canteen in a certain university in eastern india.
whether person y actually treated person x is not the point.
the point is that it made person x feel very awkward. very uncomfortable. and a little annoyed and freaked.

RDB!!!!

I am not a veritable film buff. But I do watch a lot of cinema.
And…let’s just put it this way…..there are movies…. and then there are movies.
Some movies make me laugh.
Some make me smile.
Some make me sad.
Some movies I enjoy while effectively tucking up my brain in some distant corner of my head for a good 3 hours of undisturbed slumber.
Some movies get me thinking.
While some simply put me to sleep.
But there is seldom a movie which makes me scared. (Horror movies seldom scare me. And anyways I am not talking about that kind of fear.)
I am talking about my fear. A fear triggered off from the sheer intensity of feelings the movie manages to portray. Especially since somehow somewhere down the line I can very much ,and I repeat, very much identify with these raw emotions. Rarely does a movie make me afraid of myself and of my very own feelings.
Cinema manages to move me. Well…..at least some do. But seldom has a movie not only moved me…but has literally shook me by the collars until I wanted to stamp and rave and scream out the myriad feelings churning inside my head. Seldom has a movie made me want to do something. Do something earthshattering and pathbreaking and…….. something really really really worthwhile.
Cinema manages to make me sad and melancholy and thoughtful. But cinema seldom makes me cry. At least contemporary cinema doesn’t. And anyways I seldom cry in public. Crying is an emotion, which I reserve for more private places than a movie theatre. Seldom has a movie influenced me so much that I felt like not only crying but howling my lungs out. Seldom has a movie made me (according to friends) audibly sob in a theatre.

RANG DE BASANTI has made me feel and do all of the above. Things which movies seldom make me do. It has made me angry and sad and happy and overwhelmed….all at the same time. And most of all……..it has made me cry.
Go watch it.
I have nothing else to say.

Hmmmm...

When you are addicted to something it tends to dominate most of your thoughts and eats up almost all of your spare time.
Sleeping is addtictive. Majorly addictive.
I think I am addicted to sleep.

Yay!!! Me Happy!!

Lord of the Rings!

What movie Do you Belong in?(many different outcomes!)
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